A Friend is Gone
April 16th 2008 02:48
An old friend of mine died today. She was well into her seventies and had been in poor health for several years. It will seem strange not to call her from time to time just to see how she's doing. I will miss her a lot.
She did something I considered completely rotten. She arranged her business in advance (which is a good idea for everyone to do, because you never know what lies around the next corner). But her "final wishes" were "immediate cremation, no services." It was a slap in the face to everyone who cared about her. It deprived them of the chance to say "good bye" and allow them to mourn her passing. Several months ago, I talked her into allowing a small memorial service when the time came. We went to the funeral home together and she changed her plans. I'm glad we did that. She had more friends than she ever knew.
Her name was Barbara and she had an uncanny knack of misunderstanding everything. She always understood dirty jokes, however! And she could really tell them, too. I talked to her a few days ago and she failed to understand what I was trying to tell her, as usual. She didn't grasp the meaning of "jerk" and assumed that everyone who did wrong was just sick. The motives certain people had for their behvior was always a mystery to her.
Barbara never recovered from the loss of her only child in a car accident more than 40 years ago. She doted on her step-son, Andrew, who is severely retarded and lives in a care facility. I hope when the authorities told him about her death that they were gentle.
She was kind and considerate to a fault, while retaining the ability to be a butthead at the drop of a hat! She would loan money freely and refuse to accept repayment (while complaining to everyone she met about the "deadbeat" that never repaid her).
She loved her doctor. He was the same age as her son that died. He would seem to "come on" to her and get her all upset and dithered for a time and then his wife would cause her trouble. She went to the same church every Sunday and dealt with the rude wife. I must have told her fifty times that there were other churches, but she attended faithfully, every Sunday, in spite of the badgering.
This morning, she wasn't feeling well and went to the hospital. Her doctor told her she was fine and she should go home and rest. The same doctor she had gone to almost every week for years and years. The same doctor whose wife tormented her at every turn. The same doctor she adored and trusted. He told her to just go home.
She went home. Within an hour or less, she was dead. One of the doctor's nurses tried to call and check on her. After several hours of getting no answers, she asked the police to check on her and they found her dead. And so passes an institution in our small town.
Barbara did something else that angered me. I tried to talk her out of it, but she wouldn't listen to me. She left explicit instructions that both of her dogs be executed as soon as she died. Those wishes will probably be honored. The older dog, I can understand. She was a foul tempered creature that never liked anyone but Barbara. The younger one, however was a sweet tempered little Border Collie that should have been allowed to live. I offered to take her, but Barbara refused. She was afraid that her beloved pets might have a less than perfect life without her. I'm going to try to get her, but the instructions were quite serious and it probably won't work.
This is the second time I've lost a friend since I started blogging with Orble. I said it the first time and I'll say it again. Think carefully about the future and make appropriate arrangements. I'll miss Barbara, but she didn't think things through very carefully and seldom considered anyone but herself. Please, don't make the same mistakes. Leave love behind you, not hard feelings and regrets.
She did something I considered completely rotten. She arranged her business in advance (which is a good idea for everyone to do, because you never know what lies around the next corner). But her "final wishes" were "immediate cremation, no services." It was a slap in the face to everyone who cared about her. It deprived them of the chance to say "good bye" and allow them to mourn her passing. Several months ago, I talked her into allowing a small memorial service when the time came. We went to the funeral home together and she changed her plans. I'm glad we did that. She had more friends than she ever knew.
Her name was Barbara and she had an uncanny knack of misunderstanding everything. She always understood dirty jokes, however! And she could really tell them, too. I talked to her a few days ago and she failed to understand what I was trying to tell her, as usual. She didn't grasp the meaning of "jerk" and assumed that everyone who did wrong was just sick. The motives certain people had for their behvior was always a mystery to her.
Barbara never recovered from the loss of her only child in a car accident more than 40 years ago. She doted on her step-son, Andrew, who is severely retarded and lives in a care facility. I hope when the authorities told him about her death that they were gentle.
She was kind and considerate to a fault, while retaining the ability to be a butthead at the drop of a hat! She would loan money freely and refuse to accept repayment (while complaining to everyone she met about the "deadbeat" that never repaid her).
She loved her doctor. He was the same age as her son that died. He would seem to "come on" to her and get her all upset and dithered for a time and then his wife would cause her trouble. She went to the same church every Sunday and dealt with the rude wife. I must have told her fifty times that there were other churches, but she attended faithfully, every Sunday, in spite of the badgering.
This morning, she wasn't feeling well and went to the hospital. Her doctor told her she was fine and she should go home and rest. The same doctor she had gone to almost every week for years and years. The same doctor whose wife tormented her at every turn. The same doctor she adored and trusted. He told her to just go home.
She went home. Within an hour or less, she was dead. One of the doctor's nurses tried to call and check on her. After several hours of getting no answers, she asked the police to check on her and they found her dead. And so passes an institution in our small town.
Barbara did something else that angered me. I tried to talk her out of it, but she wouldn't listen to me. She left explicit instructions that both of her dogs be executed as soon as she died. Those wishes will probably be honored. The older dog, I can understand. She was a foul tempered creature that never liked anyone but Barbara. The younger one, however was a sweet tempered little Border Collie that should have been allowed to live. I offered to take her, but Barbara refused. She was afraid that her beloved pets might have a less than perfect life without her. I'm going to try to get her, but the instructions were quite serious and it probably won't work.
This is the second time I've lost a friend since I started blogging with Orble. I said it the first time and I'll say it again. Think carefully about the future and make appropriate arrangements. I'll miss Barbara, but she didn't think things through very carefully and seldom considered anyone but herself. Please, don't make the same mistakes. Leave love behind you, not hard feelings and regrets.
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Comment by PopulistConservative
Angry Electorate
I always remember the great line from The Shawshank Redemption: Get busy living or get busy dying.
That's so true and appropriate.
Comment by S.L. Bradish
That was a great line from a great movie! And such excellent advice!